GoodBye!

Goodbye is something hard to say, especially when you don't really want to say it because that someone to whom you are saying goodbye is the same who is actually making your world goes round!
But sometimes in life, you do not have the choice, when you realise that everything is escaping you, it is better to be the one who makes it stop.
Tonight I did tell him to stop contacting me, not that it is for my good but this story was going nowhere and before falling in total craziness I'd better do something. Maybe I have already fallen, this wouldn't surprise me much, this guy is making me cry or smile in an instant, this is NOT normal.
I don't know anything about love but if this is love well I wish I didn't feel that, ever!
Every time I see him though I just want to say "I love you" but the problem is: I know who are the "I" and the "YOU" but what the f*** is LOVE (oh god I said the F word)!
Right now, after having let down some tears, I feel strange. I wish he would call me to ask me why this sudden reaction (for him, obviously there was nothing going on) but I perfectly know he won't do that. I'm anxious to receive an answer from him, even if I asked him not to do it, he might do, but sincerely I do not want to read him, it will hurt because he won't say what I am hoping him to say. But anyway, what do I want him to say? I do not even know!
The best would be for him to call me, well...the best for me... I love expressing myself and tell what I truly feel but this time I didn't and I do not feel like writing him that, better writing it to myself... (looser!)

Ok now that it is done, I can just watch a movie or try to sleep even if I haven't slept well for weeks now!
I might delete that post soon, I'd better do but let's just leave it there for the night!