Departure

I do not seem to motivate myself to get the suitcases done, nor am I motivated to just get dressed. Tomorrow at this time, I'll be (should be) ready to leave home direction Paris to get my flight but for a reason I ignore I'm not really looking forward to it. I guess I am just scared of changes, AGAIN.
Three years ago, at this time I was at uni studying languages and economics, but apart from the students parties I didn't enjoy much the classes. I left France and took my gap year in London, but my supposed one year of freedom became at last three years...which is long. I enjoyed it most of the time but was totally lost (still am). I miss studying and obvisouly in this world we all need a career to get somewhere. I doubt that my A level degree (baccalauréat in France) gets me somewhere so I do need to get at least one grade (4years studying)... Makes me lazy. First of all, I am not even sure to get to uni again. I asked for the universities of Madrid but before the 14th of this month I won't know if I do get in, or not, which is quite stressful.
I don't know why the government of any country do not help young student to find their way. What I mean is, I had to choose what I wanted to do with my life two years before even passing the bachelor which means that we are asked (at least in France) to choose our life at 15 years old which is pretty young let's admit it.
Anyway, if you are like me, confuse about everything and clueless well you just get lost!
Now that I believe that I know what to do, no one is helping me to do it. There is no financial support from the government nor I had the possibility to receive advice from anyone whose jobs suppose to indicate more or less what you are good at.

Nevermind, I am going to Madrid tomorrow, will spend a week looking for I don't know what and then on the 14th it will be the beginning, whether of my life or of my lost... Let's hope it will be the first one!